 The realisation that our beautiful daughter had a drink problem became as a huge wake up call to my family and me. Our life was bobbing along very nicely thank you very much. We were all working; we had a happy home and a very close family with lots of lovely friends to complement our life. It was not as if we had encouraged her to drink – we always thought that if she wanted to take up drinking she could do so on her own volition. Little did we know she would do so and it would lead to a trail of sadness, anger and pain. That said though, please read on as there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Ashley had a good job in the bank. She worked hard, never missed a day’s work, and was earmarked for promotion. She then met up with a new group of friends and things began to array. She began to miss work and if we questioned her she would tell us she had booked a day’s holiday. We believed her at first although I suppose we did have niggling doubts. It began to dawn on us that Ash was drinking too much. The drink in the house began to dwindle and she would spend days staying in ‘friends’ houses. We were then subjected to the evil effects of drink.
We removed all alcohol from our house and began in earnest to help Ashley. To be honest once Ash knew we knew things became even worse. She did not care if we saw her drunk whereas prior to this she had always kept it away from us by staying in ‘friends’ houses until she sobered up.
Ash got herself into some very sad situations and it was extremely distressing for us all. The whole of our family was affected by Ash’s behaviour and it created a great deal of conflict between us all. We all believed we had the answer as to how to get Ash better. We tried showering her with love, shouting at her, banning her from leaving the house, involving the police, taking her to AA meetings and even, on some occasions, getting physical with her to keep her in. None of this worked. Ash was in a very dark place and it was spiralling out of control.
In the end we were introduced to Cenacolo. Ash agreed she needed help and we began our visits to the Shrine. Ash was very good; she never drank from her first meeting to the day she went to Italy. She said she would stay for a year but as the time drew closer this went down to six months and then to three months. I did not really mind. Three months would be better than none.
I dropped Ash off in Italy. I left her with 16 strangers, in a strange country and not able to speak the language. I was devastated when I left her but I knew she would be safer there than at home. Before I left she said ‘I will be okay here mum, don’t cry’. I have to say I was immensely proud of Ash – she seemed so much stronger than me.
Ash said she would stay one month. She has now been there three and a half months. She did ring us after a month to say she wanted to come home but we encouraged her to stay.
We went to the Fest in July and met Ash there. The change in our daughter was significant both psychologically and physically. She did not have that tormented look in her eyes. She was fully focussed on the conversations that were taking place, and she was happy, carefree, and laughing – just as she used to be when she was young.
She had lost weight she was no longer bloated.
Ash surprised us all by dancing on the stage in front of five thousand people at the Fest. She would have never done this four months previously. Ash also told us she had found her faith and that this was helping her in her road to recovery. She said she learns something new about herself everyday and is now learning to cook for all the girls. She said she cannot wait to come home and cook for us all. Ash is happy in Italy although she does miss us all dreadfully. She even said she enjoys gardening now and will help her dad when she comes home.
I do believe that Ash, myself and the rest of my family have been sent this challenge to make us all more aware of the important things in life which are love, faith, understanding, and compassion.
And so life goes on. I have no idea how long Ash will stay in Italy but I know she will not stay for ever, I just pray that when she does come home she is not drawn back in to the life she had before. I pray that all the lessons she has learnt in Cenacolo will remain with her for the rest of her life. To me her time spent there is better than any degree she could ever do back home.
I thank God for sending Cenacolo to us.
Cathy
Daniel was the third of our 4 children and from a very early age, he was hyperactive, didn’t sleep well, and found it difficult to maintain relationships and concentrate. We realised that there was something different about him. We went through the usual round of specialists until in the end one Doctor suggested that Daniel should be put onto medication for a trial period. With a certain amount of reluctance, as parents, we agreed and saw an almost immediate improvement in his concentration and behaviour.
The time came for Daniel to move onto senior school and we took the difficult decision, financially, to send him to a private, Quaker school, rather than the local comprehensive, as we felt that the pastoral care and overall Quaker ethos would suit Daniel, which it did and he continued there until completing his GCSE’s, when we could no longer afford the fees.
Daniel then tried a number of different courses ranging from cookery, the Princes Trust programme to game keeping, all of which he found difficult to maintain any form of commitment and would leave. For us, as his parents, the stress was becoming exceptional, wondering where we could find somewhere where Daniel would settle. We also became aware that he was starting to dabble with other substances, in particular cannabis, this despite many warnings from the Doctor about mixing cannabis with his medication.
Daniel then turned 17 and could no longer be part of the children’s services, as he was considered an adult by the medical profession. He had been under the same doctor for over 10 years and they had developed a close and warm relationship, which was not to be replicated once he was under the adult teams and despite some basic assistance, he continued to struggle. It was difficult, each time we took him off the medication, and he became unwell.
Then, around the end of 2009, we saw considerable changes in Daniel, sleeping at odd hours, irrational behaviour etc. and we knew that something was very wrong. Luckily, we have always had a very open relationship with him and he told us that he was addicted to mephedrone (miao miao). We saw him start to lose weight and the behaviour became more extreme, culminating in one weekend where he took the substance constantly over a 48 hour period, returning home in a very bad way, sleeping almost continually for the next 24 hours. As we looked at him, curled up in his bed, we felt that we were losing our son and we were powerless to do anything about it; there was no assistance from any of the medical teams, who just said that this was a lifestyle choice for Daniel. He became very unwell and it was destroying our family as we were losing Daniel both physically and mentally.
One morning, watching Daniel lying motionless on his bed, I listened to 2 scientists on the Radio 4 “Today” programme discussing why they couldn’t ban mephedrone and why they needed more research and information. I was so appalled that I sent off a 5 line email to the programme, expressing the views of a parent watching their child slowly slip away under the effects of this drug. Within 24 hours, I was contacted by the producer asking whether I was willing to be interviewed on the programme.
Daniel was extremely ill and we had to decide whether to take him to hospital. After various phone calls, we decided to get him away from the area and the people that he was mixing with, so it was agreed with Daniel that I would take him away to the Forest of Dean that following weekend, for some peace and reflection. The BBC arranged for a radio car to come out to our B&B and on the Saturday morning and I was interviewed for 10 minutes by John Humphrys, who, whilst asking some very pertinent questions, allowed me to flow and put across the perspective of a concerned parent, deeply worried by this substance and the lack of action to get it banned.
15 minutes after the interview, I was telephoned by the producer to say that they had been inundated by callers who had listened to my interview and there then followed an extraordinary 3 weeks for Daniel and myself of live and recorded TV interviews, newspaper articles and finally, addressing the government’s drug advisory council on the day that they made their recommendation to the home secretary.
But in the midst of all this, I received an email from the Today programme, passing on various notes of support from listeners, which we were all so grateful to receive. Included in one of those emails, from an anonymous source, was the suggestion that we might find it helpful to contact an organisation called “Cenacolo”.
Little did we know at that point that this was the miracle we had been hoping for and which led us down the path to where Daniel is now settled into the Cenacolo house in Knock. Without that one person, who heard my interview on the radio, we may have lost our son. Now there is hope and a light ahead for all of us, but especially for Daniel.
Stephen & Kim
Michelle's testimony
It seems like so long ago that I was sitting here writing my testimony for the third anniversary mass and now it’s come that time again for me to be writing another piece. I wondered a lot about what I could write and after thinking long and hard I have come to the conclusion that I will write another testimony only a little different this time from the one I wrote a year ago.
I would like to talk a bit more about what Cenacolo has done for me in the four years since my brother confessed to my family that he was addicted to heroin. I could go over it all again, from how I felt towards my brother in the beginning to how, now, I couldn’t be more proud but instead I would like to share about the impact it has had on me.
I can say that it was from the age of 16 that my life began to change, as my mum always says, I “matured over night” when my brother broke the news that he was a heroin addict and from then I left school, got a good job, passed my driving test, got a car and looked after myself. Then as time went on, I began to accept Cenacolo although still not showing any great interest. My life carried on the same for a few years, still slowly slowly becoming more involved in Cenacolo, and I can honestly say that through gaining a deeper interest in community, I became closer to God which helped me a lot in my daily struggles with insecurity, low self-esteem, lack of confidence and guilt to name a few but there was still something missing.
On the 10th September 2009, my dad was seriously injured in a road accident causing irrepairable brain damage. Again the events that followed were a blur! My brother was called home from Italy, we were told my dad had hours, days at the most to live so it was just a case of waiting. I remember worrying about how this would affect my brother, would he have a relapse? But instead when I asked him about it his response shocked me….”This can only make me stronger” I was amazed and at the same time I knew that if it hadn’t been for Cenacolo he wouldn’t have coped so well, and for all I put on a strong front, I wasn’t strong inside and I longed for what my brother had.
Now eight months on, I have thought many times about community, I arranged to go for experience in October but because of my dad’s accident it was put on hold, I then rearranged it for April and the day before I was due to go there was a volcanic eruption in Iceland causing the majority of Scottish and English flights to be cancelled, bad luck or what! But as my older sister said “It’s going to be a powerful experience when it does happen, otherwise you wouldn’t have been hit with such an unpredictable obstacle”
So now after thinking about it long and hard and with the belief that “everything happens for a reason” I have made the decision that I will enter the community to gain the true peace, happiness, self confidence etc etc that my brother and each and every other guy and girl in community has. I was stopped from doing my experience twice before and accepted the fact that God had other plans for me, now I believe that this is God’s plan and the decision hasn’t been easy, infact it’s the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life but I know deep down, although there will be struggles and at times I will wonder, “Why did I ever think this was a good idea?” but I have proof that it works and I am sure like my sister said, “It’s going to be a powerful experience!”
Christian - Germany
Hi, my name is Christian, I am twenty-seven years old, and I come from Germany. At a very young age I was troubled over the divorce of my parents and I struggled even more as I got older due to this situation.
I was brought up by my mother, along with my two older brothers. At fourteen years of age I searched for the love, attention and happiness that was missing from my father and I found solace in drugs. In the beginning I used light drugs and as what usually happens with people on this road, the drugs I chose became stronger and ultimately at the age of twenty one I was hooked on heroin. I went hopelessly on like this until I decided to search for help and this help and hope was found in the Community of the Cenacolo.
I was in Community two years and I realised not only had I changed my life for the better but my mother, brothers, and the rest of my family’s lives had also changed profoundly. Around this time
I visited my home and in a God given moment I crossed paths with my father. I spent time with him and I was really touched, because prior to this I had always judged him and blamed him for leaving me as a child. As I exchanged dialogue with my father I felt a great weight lifting off my shoulders. I was liberated and free from all of the resentment and rage I felt against him. My brother who also hadn't seen our dad for a few years was with me and it was a pleasure to share this moment with him and our father and a blessing to see in them how they were receiving peace from this encounter.
I am now still in the Community whom I thank for giving me my life back.
Nicola – Italy
My name is Nicola, I am twenty seven years old. I come from Italy and from a family who have always supported me and tried to teach me the best way to live. But when I was younger I was very insecure, I lacked confidence and I was of a shy nature, this caused me to distance myself from others and even though I had a few good friends, inside I was very lonely. I began to grow my own idea of how life should be lived. This included being rebellious as I thought this would bring me popularity and happiness. But this lifestyle didn't bring me happiness it brought only emptiness. I was attracted to the wrong crowd of friends with similar personalities. This is how my problems grew and before long I was using light drugs and in time this led to stronger drugs which ended up with me being a heroin addiction.
At this point in my life I couldn't cope because I lost my self respect, my friends, my job, my girlfriend and the trust of my family. Fortunately for me my mum had heard of Community a few years earlier when she went to Medjugorje and I decided to give it a try. As soon as I entered I realised that there was something special in this place. Everybody was happy and seemed to be full of life. This gave me hope and trust in Mother Elvira and in all the lads around me because they had been through the same problems as me.
In this Community there is a spiritual presence that can be felt through the prayer and also through the lads as this is the core of the Community and we learn to trust in God and turn our lives around with him. Throughout my time here I have seen so many addicts change into new people without any doctors, psychiatrists and that helped to increase my faith.
Looking back I can see that I have changed so much and I want to thank God and the Community for giving me my life back
Finally, ................
Nicola did just that, he was the last of the lads who came to the UK to open our Cenacolo Community when he left Community last year and returned to a new life in Italy
Martin – Scotland
My problems really began when I left school at sixteen. I was a heavy cannabis smoker and within a short time I began feeling more and more insecure with myself. I believed I was doing the right thing when I began taking prescribed drugs from my doctor when, in fact they only made things worse.
My relationship with my family and friends were based on lies and as the years passed I progressed to a harder drug. At the age of twenty-one I had lost touch with reality and couldn't live a day without drugs. I had no choice but to enter the Community Cenacolo.
The Community has given me and my family a new lease of life. I am no longer a slave to drugs and have the will and the confidence to face all of life’s challenges.
Billy - England
Hi I'm Billy, I am 40 years old and would like to say that before Community, as a person I was destroyed by drugs, I lost all my self-respect and the trust of my family. This became for me a vicious circle that I couldn't escape from, which led to homelessness and depression. Now I feel, after being in Community for a total of four years I have found my self-esteem and the strength to face up to life without drugs. I can say that the Community gave me help where no other place did.
I am now settled in a job as a support worker helping others with addictions and homelessness. Two years ago I became a Catholic, I am now engaged to a really lovely girl. My life has changed beyond all my wildest dreams I am also hopeful of going to Brazil to visit the missions with a friend of mine who is a priest and my girlfriend.
For all of this I say a big thank you to Mother Elvira, and to those who helped me during my recovery within the community and to all who helped me enter into the Community.
Martin - Germany
My name is Martin, I am from Munich in Germany, I am 19 years old. I started with lighter drugs and from there my problems began, it started with trouble in school, also with the police and, finally, I was put into care. However, things got worse, it was there that I tried heroin for the first time. After a while I returned to my family, our relationship was different I didn't have their trust anymore. I carried on there another two years, stealing, lying, then realising that things couldn't go on I entered the Community and now for the first time I look forward to my future with whatever life may bring me.
Martin is now in the missions in Peru helping the street kids and is happy to be there.
Testimony from Margaret mother of John - England
My name is Margaret and I am from the parish of Our Lady and St John, Heswall, in the diocese of Shrewsbury.
I have a personal interest in the Cenacolo Community. I have 5 children, four of whom have done very well in the eyes of the world. one is a teacher, one a doctor, another a solicitor, and one managing an expanding veterinary practice. My second son John became a drug addict at the age of 15, starting with cannabis and progressing quite quickly to heroin, crack cocaine, diazepam and tamazapam and alcohol. I cannot begin to tell you what it is like living with a drug-addict in the family, the police at the door in the middle of the night: sitting at a hospital bedside wondering if my son would recover from over-dosing: phone calls at all hours from drug dealers: the misery for the younger members of the family. Despite State rehabilitation units and prison, John always returned to drugs.
In 1996 i took my son to Medjugorje as I had heard of the Community there for drug addicts. John was impressed with the Cenacolo but felt it was not for him.
In August 2003, seven years after our visit to Medjugorje, my son John desperate with his lifestyle which had hit rock bottom, decided to enter the Cenacolo Community. He went to the Mother house in Saluzzo, Italy. Four months later he told me he had peace in his heart for the first time in years. Two and a half years later he was one of the 'Responsibles' in the Kendal house, fluent in Italian and helping other young addicts. I have no words to thank God for the life of my son. Every morning I wake up with thanksgiving in my heart. Of my five children only John, my once drug addict son, is practising his faith. He gets up at 2am every Saturday morning for an hour of Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament and prays for addicts still on the streets of our towns and cities.
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